“Sexual Preference” vs. “Sexual Orientation”

Can anyone tell me the difference between “sexual preference” and “sexual orientation”? If you were thinking they mean the same thing you would be wrong. “Sexual preference” implies that there is a choice in the matter. Whereas ‘sexual orientation’ implies that one was born this way.

Semantics matter.

By someone saying “sexual preference” instead of “sexual orientation” has played right into anti-gay advocates’ argument that sexual orientation is a choice. Worse, it could also lend credence to the idea spread by the Christian right and other suspicious organizations that gay people must simply exercise willpower in overcoming the “mastery of sin” that supposedly makes us “give in” to the “temptation” of gay sexuality.

I am as guilty as the next person because I have allowed my friends and allies to continue using the phrase “sexual preference” instead of “sexual orientation”, but that is going to stop because I will not allow anyone to legitimize the implication that sexual orientation is a choice.

To most people in the Christian right, they believe that one’s “sexual preference” is a beatable character flaw; as though a gay person elects to face a lifetime of discrimination because of some misguided, masochistic lust. Therefore it is a problem that can be solved, often by prayer and celibacy.

This same thinking leads anti-gay supporters to turn the fact of human sexuality into a question of morals. To them it’s our choice to be gay, and that choice is a wrong one. Why should the bigots change if we’re the ones who chose — preferred, even — to be “deviant” in the first place?

In fact, the concept of “sexual preference” is just as problematic to me as “gay lifestyle.” Both phrases reject the very idea of “sexual orientation”, instead reducing gayness to a set of learned behaviors and attitudes. What’s more, both phrases indirectly position heterosexuality as the moral standard for which we should all strive and from which we in the LGBT community “deviate” from.
When someone uses the term “sexual preference” or claim to support “the gay lifestyle” probably doesn’t mean to suggest that being gay is actually a choice. Nonetheless, our language reflects our beliefs. It is time we stop allowing the belief that gayness is a choice to pollute our vocabulary.

MJ

Restart!!!!!!

I imagine many of you were surprised to see new post up on the blog. To be perfectly honest with you I am too. Apathy, work, and a failure to gain traction in a competitive blogosphere contributed to the long drought. And I didn’t think my heart was in it any more.

I realized I didn’t have the mettle to go up against the likes of Joe.My.God and Towleroad and others, who were already doing a fabulous job, and I might add are tremendous assets to the LGBT community. Simply parroting them was no way to distinguish myself.

I used to joke that I was a small fish swimming in a small pond full of big fish. Occasionally I’d get a nibble. Sometimes I’d get lucky and more popular blogs would cross-post or even feature one of my original posts.
This little fish was never eaten. It simply grew tired of swimming.

This brings us to the present and all the new post.

Lately I’d been feeling the itch to start blogging again. I looked back at all of my earlier post and yes they were definitely more sporadic, but more personal. Less chore.. more fun. I need to go back to that. At least for a while.

So I want to start off by letting you know that there will be more personal/essay type posts and less breaking news, unless it’s really juicy, or really relevant. I’ve also be posting more local events (local being Northern Illinois).

I know some of you will abandon my blog. Some already have. And that’s fine. For those who stick around, I hope to make it worth your while. Until next time.

Faith Response to the Violence in Lake View Prayer and Candle Vigil

"Human beings are all members of one body.
They are created from the same essence.
When one member is in pain,
The others cannot rest.
If you do not care about the pain of others,
you are not worthy of being called a human."
(A quote from a renowned Persian Poet, Saadi Shirazi 12th to 13th century AD)

As some of you already know, there have been a few shocking events that happened in Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood. People in this neighborhood have witnessed and experienced violence in many forms: spiritual, physical, and emotional. A group called the Faith Response to Violence is offering a neutral space for prayer and silent reflection.

Look deep inside yourself and become the spark of change and show in solidarity that we are against all forms of violence. Let’s band together and help build a safe community for everyone.

So please join me on Saturday, July 23, at 10:30 p.m. at the 7-Eleven parking lot located at Halsted and Roscoe.

Please bring candles with you to participate in the vigil.

NOTE:
There are no "speakers" for this event. As it states above, this event is a neutral space for prayer and reflection.

No finger-pointing.
No blaming.
Instead, an invitation to prayer, reflection, and hope for peace.

EVENT DATE
Saturday, July 23, 2011
10:30 PM - 11:30 PM
LOCATION
7-Eleven Parking Lot
3407 N. Halsted St.
Chicago, IL 60657
(Corner of Roscoe and Halsted)

Do You Have Blood on Your Hands?

Do you have the blood of those whom have turned to suicide due to anti-gay bullying on your hands?

Well I will tell you who does.

Those of you who fight to deny gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people their rights, which includes the right to get married and to be protected against discrimination and crime.

Those of you who selectively read between the lines of the Bible just to justify your own hatred.

Those of you, who object and even prevent programs that teach tolerance and understanding in your children’s schools, are allowing these children to go unprotected from anti-gay hate speech and also physical violence.

Those of you, who hear, use or even allow others around you to use derogatory slurs like faggot, dyke, queer; these words are used as lethal weapons to torment and terrorize people until they think the only way to make it stop is to turn to suicide.

Those of you whom have gay friends, colleagues or relatives and yet remain outwardly silent, your silence is also to blame for those deaths caused by anti-gay bullying.

Where would you turn if all your life kids at school called you queer and faggot as they kicked and punched at you? Or when the people at your church kept saying that homosexuality destroys the family and violates the law of God? Or when you turned on the television the politicians were saying that openly gay people serving in the military or getting married will harm our society.

For me I interpreted these messages as evidence that anyone who identified as gay; be it gay men, lesbian or transgender; did not deserve to live so I turned to suicide.

It has been years since I admitted to myself that I attempted to take my own life over what people said and did. For the longest time, I was ashamed of what I did and buried it deep inside me so I wouldn't let my emotions get the better of me. So I sat idly by on the sidelines not saying much on the topic for the past year. But how could I live with myself knowing that those innocent children’s blood was also on my hands.

Because of my own fears and guilt, I allowed people’s bigotry and hatred go unchallenged. Well not anymore. I will not let those who oppose the equal rights and fair and just treatment make another person feel like I did.

I vow that even though I am just one person, my voice will not be denied and I will fight along side some great orginazations such as the It Gets Better Project (www.itgetsbetter.org) and The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org) to let everyone know that they are not alone and their life is worth living no matter what anyone says or does.

I just want to leave you with one finally thought. When someone says anything negative against gay, lesbian or transgender people, they are handing a loaded gun of justification to someone, and by turning a blind eye you also are allowing this justification.

So do you have the blood of those whom have turned to suicide due to anti-gay bullying on your hands?

-MJ