Protect Maine Equality

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to post a quick post before I headed off to bed since I got to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to work. As I get ready for bed I decided to check on the latest polls from Maine and Washington.

Let me talk about Maine first. I have touch base on Question 1 in Maine. This item on is similar to Proposition 8 that happened in California. If Question 1 passes, it will take away the equal marriage that the LGBT community won in that state. As of writing this post, the polls showed with 64% reporting, Yes: 51.7% No: 48.3%. It has been close all night and I am saddened that I must go to bed before the final tally is in.

Now on to Washington's Referendum 71. This bill is a little more confusing. Because if you vote no for this one, then you are voting against keeping the domestic partnership law. I was informed that Washington passed Referendum 71, but then a few minutes later was told that they my rescind it. I am unable to get a clear cut answer on this one at the moment so when I post the results of Maine in them morning (hopefully) I hope to have this one cleared up too.

We can not let the right wingers to use these as a form of backlash over the hate crimes legislation President Obama signed. They are just pissed off because god forbid everyone has the right to live their lives without getting beat up. (Sorry went on a tangent.)

MJ

Extremely Disturbing

As I lie on a cold floor naked, stripped of my dignity; shimmering tears cascade through the void of my existence. Inside, there is a war of the flames of my desire versus my cold reality. Shards of ice melt in the dreams of a better tomorrow. A chaotic peacefulness results in the man you see before you. I come from a dark place where the shadows themselves have gone mad. I sit quietly with my loneliness crying out to be silenced. Yet, my primal rage of hate and craving for vengeance burns brightly. The freedom to destroy the happiness of the one who put me her rest in one hand. In the other, the dreams of my own happiness involves the same person I would hurt.

I feel damned to this isolation. . . Barred from the joys of other humans. I scream for release, but my pleas are ignored. I am left alone to sit quietly within the shadows. I can hear the sound of my heart beating in my ears. I cry-out for help once more, and again no one responds. I try to escape, but the room is impossible to penetrate.

I start to think back to that moment only days before, when I told him it was over. I wonder how I could have walked away so easily. I guess I became so engrossed in my own needs that I lose sight of all else. Before I know it, the love was gone and I left.

Now I find myself in this room looking for an explanation of why I did the things I did. He did nothing by treasured my secrets as if they were jewels. He provided me a place to rest. But in the comfort of his arms, I betrayed his sanctuary. I watched helplessly as our bridge burned out of control. I couldn’t do anything to stop the inferno from consuming everything we have built together. How can I have set fire to a work of such magnificence? I left him standing there, begging me to reconsider. Begging me to stay?

I begin to shiver in a cold sweat as the darkness of my prison devours me once again. I cry out for help again, but again my cries are not heard. I now find myself begging with all my heart's power. I am tired of screaming, but I cannot stop. Maybe, just maybe, he will show me mercy and set me free. I hear footsteps. He is coming. Have my screams worked? Yes!

He opens the door to my prison but I cannot stand. My legs are too weak. I realize then, as I cry for his help, that he has not come to release me. He has come to finish me off. I notice a long object in his hand. It is a lead pipe. He holds it over his head with one hand and with a single powerful blow, he strikes and breaks what is left of my legs. I scream. The pain is too much. I beg to die. Death is now paradise. Heaven or Hell? I do not care. I just want to fucking die. Again, his overwhelming strength thrusts his weapon upon me. This time my back. Both shoulder blades are shattered and I suddenly can no longer feel my legs. He has destroyed a part of my spine, it seems. And he walks away.

For twenty minutes, I experience the worst pain imaginable. I begin thinking of ways to kill myself. Is it possible? And then the pain takes over again. I see flashes of light and hear voices calling me from my past. I try to block out the light; I close my eyes very tight. I still see the light and hear the voices coming back to haunt me. Words that tear at my heart and devour my soul like vultures. Sweat pours from my body and makes me shiver. There is no escape from the agony and pain that torments me.

It fells like an eternity when he returns, but this time he has a chain with a hook on the end of it. He reaches down grabs my arm with so power that it breaks in a twist. I can see my forearm protruding from my elbow. He starts pulling me violently by my now broken arm over rocky ground to a hanging conveyor belt. My capturer then inserts his hook into the back of my neck, not caring whether its penetration will kill me or not. And unfortunately, it does not.

By the other end of the chain, he hoists me to the conveyor belt and hangs me there. My vision is patchy, everything is a blur. Blood begins to drip into my eyes. My pain is beginning to subside. Death is near. My heart begins to weaken; and my body can take no more and finally gives way to death.

Death has claimed yet another that was selfish. He will soon be placed in a grave and left to rot. A few kind words will be said to please the few who have gathered. Some may shed a few tears at his grave side, as is expected at a funeral. But in the end they will walk away, never to remember him again.


Hope you didn’t mind that I took a break today and just posted a little Halloween treat for your reading please. Hope you enjoyed my little story.

MJ

National Week of Initiative

This coming week (November 1st–8th) is being known as the National Week of Initiative among the LGBTI activist community. What this means is that we are asking everyone who supports equality for all Americans to get out and have our voices heard. . .

I know when I first started getting active I was always wondering what can just one person do. As time went on I have developed a list of things that one person can do to help out.

1.) Write a hand written letter to BOTH your state and federal Representative and Senator. My friend Nik of JTIC said at the Report-Back from Washington D.C. meeting that if we send hand written letters rather then e-mails it helps personalize the movement. Also if you do not know who your Representatives are check out www.votesmart.org.
2.) Contact your local media be it television, newspaper, magazine, radio or even podcast. Write them a letter or e-mail and voice your opinion on the issue of full equality for everyone. Let them know they have viewers, readers or listeners who do care about this issue and want to spread the word.
3.) Have a face-to-face with your local representative. If you want take a few people from your district with you so they can see that they have delegates in their district who support equality for all people.
4.) Have coffee or dinner with your neighbors, friends and/or family and discuss the importance of full equality for everyone.
5.) Create a viral video and post it to sites like youtube, facebook or on a blog. Your video can be from just a slideshow with text and music, to changing the words to a song to make it about equality and perform it live on the streets.
6.) Host a movie screening night at your house with friends and family. Watch movies like “Milk”, “Solder’s Girl” or “Laramie Project” and then discuss the importance of these films and the struggle that all LGBTI people still face today.
7.) Find a group or organization and get involved. There are a tons of local groups one can get involved with. Here are links to a few local Chicago groups;
A. http://www.jointheimpactchicago.com
B. http://www.genderqueerchicago.blogspot.com
C. http://www.LGBTChange.org

As for me I can tell you that I have already began to write my handwritten letters to both my federal and state Representative and Senator. I am involved with the wonderful group Join The Impact Chicago. I am going to be creating a press release comment about my blog to send to podcast and other forms of media. I would make a video, but the last one I made caused more embarrassment then anything. But trust me, I will be out there with fellow activist canvassing after work, where needed. I will be tabling if JTIC decided that is what we need to do.

Before I go I want to discuss one other huge thing happening next week. On Tuesday November 3rd residents of the state of Maine will vote on Proposition 1, a ballot measure that could take away the right of same-sex couples to marry in that state. Join The Impact Chicago is hosting a Proposition 1 Rally on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 from 5:30pm till 6:30pm at the James R. Thompson Center in Chicago. Please show your support for full equality in all 50 states and come out to the rally. It will either be a celebration or a protest depending on the outcome of Prop 1. Yet either way, it is a great way to network and continue our fight. Remember, the march on Washington D.C. was not the end of the battle, it was only the beginning. For more information check out the event page on Facebook… http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=199172736752&index=1


MJ

Saying Something and Doing It Are Two Different Things.

If I were to throw some names at you, could you tell me what they have in common? Well lets give it a try; Allen Schindler, Timothy McVeigh, Barry Winchell and Dan Choi. All four of these man have something to do with the military policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

Allen Schindler was murdered by his fellow sailors on October 27th, 1992. Timothy McVeigh became the first person to win a case against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in 1998. Barry Winchell was murdered by a fellow soldier on July 5th, 1999. Dan Choi publicly came out in March of this year and was discharged from the Army.

Even though there are hundreds if not thousands of other cases of people affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, I wanted to spend some time talking about one that has had the most influence on me.

I first came across the name Barry Winchell in the summer of 1999. I just received my latest copy of XY Magazine ( a gay themed magazine for gay youth) and I was flipping through it and started to read the articles. This issue touched on the subject of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. It included bios of service members who were dishonorable discharged from the military after they found out they were gay or lesbian. But the article I remembered the most was the feature article. It was about a young straight solder who was brutally beaten in the early morning of July 5th of that year.

You are wondering why a gay magazine ran an article about a straight solder under it’s segment of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. Well let me explain. Barry Winchell, had fallen in love with a beautiful transgendered woman named Calpernia Addam, whom he met at a nightclub in Nashville. Justin Fisher, Barry’s roommate, began spreading rumors of the relationship at Ft. Campbell. Barry then became a target of ongoing harassment from his fellow solders. Justin Fisher started to refer to Barry as “the faggot”. There wasn’t anything Barry could of done to stop the harassment or name calling because of the terms under the policy of “Don't Ask, Don't Tell”. So Barry had no choice but to keep his head down and endure the increasing brutality, for if he were to mention it to anyone, it would have meant an immediate dishonorable discharge from the Army. So Barry kept the abuse to himself and became a victim to the policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

The article went on to say that on July 4th, Barry and a fellow soldier named Calvin Glover, fought after Barry accused a boasting Calvin of being a fraud. Both men were drinking beer throughout the day. Later in the day, Justin, whom by now had his own history of physical altercations with Barry, began to irritate and provoke the nineteen year old Calvin. Justin taunted Calvin by saying, “What sort of a real man would lose a fight to a faggot like Barry Winchell?”

That night Justin and Barry had another one of their altercations and Barry went to sleep on a cot outside the room he shared with Fisher. Around midnight Calvin took a baseball bat from Justin's locker and struck Barry as he slept. The bat struck Barry's head, face, and upper torso area, as if Calvin was trying to not only kill Barry, but to obliterate any trace of what he represented. Barry died of massive head injuries on July 6th.

That was where my article in XY Magazine left the story. After reading this article, I was pissed off so I decided to research Barry Winchell’s name on AOL (yes we didn’t have Google back in the day) to try and find any related information. In the following months after the article came out I have learned a few things. First, I learned that Barry's murder led then President Bill Clinton to order a review of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, but that really did not get very far. Secondly, I found out that Calvin Glover was later convicted for the murder of Barry Winchell and was sentenced to serve a life sentence. Justin Fisher was sentenced in a plea bargain to 12.5 years.

So there I was at the age of nine-teen, filled with all this anger and frustration. But what did I do, NOTHING!!! I believed that one person couldn’t make a difference, so I put all my information I gathered together and put it in my desk drawer and put “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” on a back burner in my mind.

Now lets fast forward to the year 2003. It has been nearly 4 years since Barry Winchell’s murder and I have all but forgotten his story. But then I saw an ad on television for a movie called “Soldier’s Girl”. I was glued to that thirty second preview of this movie. After the commercial ended I ran up to the guest room and retrieved a binder I placed there a few months earlier. I returned to the living room where my partner Darren was still sitting with a confused look on his face (okay, so he always looks at me that way). I opened the binder to a section that contained an article that I took out of my XY Magazine and also some print outs from AOL. As I explained to Darren that the movie preview we just saw was about the young man in that article.

When the movie finally aired on Showtime, I made sure I did not miss it. I sat there with tears in my eyes for most of this movie since I know the outcome. For me watching “Solder’s Girl” was like watching the “Laramie Project” for both movies teach us what raw hatred can do.

I am proud to say that the movie “Solder’s Girl” received a Peabody Award and numerous Emmy and Golden Globe nominations. Yet, I was ecstatic when the movie sparked a renewed debate of the effects of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

I know, you are wondering if I got involved then on the debate of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and I have to answer with a sad no. I sat there while I watched Washington push the issue back to the curbside and pretend like it isn’t an issue. And most of America agreed with them and we let the debate rest once again.

Now lets return to present time. It has been a little over ten years since Barry Winchell’s murder. Justin Fisher has completed the prison term deemed appropriate by the government and now walks as a free man as of October 2008. Both former President Bill Clinton and current President Barack Obama’s promises to dismantle the codified culture of homophobia in the US Military stands unfulfilled.

The real cost of “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” has always been the human one. But now we see that it is also the lives and careers of thousands of American soldiers who would have been willing and proud to lay their lives down in the service of their fellow Americans.

As for me, the passion I found when I picked up and read that article back in 1999 has been rekindled. And even though it has taken me a little more then ten years to get to this point, I am finally here and I am not going anywhere. I realized that around 75% of Americans support the complete repeal of “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” but yet the Obama administration continues to hesitate about taking action against this policy. If you ask me I think they are stalling once again and are hoping that people like me and all the others who let it go by the wayside in 1999 and in 2003, will let it go back there again. But I finally realized that I need to stay in this fight until President Obama keeps one of most important campaign promises he made to me and my community and overturn “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

So what I am asking of all of you is that as you read all these news articles about Obama saying he is going to overturn “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, or you see Army Secretary John McHugh say that the Army can handle the lifting of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” please do not celebrate. For saying something and doing it or two totally different things. Believe me I know from experience.

MJ

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Transphobia Has Got To Go!!!

As many of you already know, this past Friday night I went to support a protest of Hunters Nightclub. A lot of people were asking me what brought on this protest. I very quickly explain to them about the discrimination of my fellow Transgender brothers and sisters. Well I wanted to take the opportunity now to explain the whole situation, starting from the beginning.

Hunters Nightclub, a gay bar located in Elk Grove Village, implemented a new door policy back in August. This new policy known as the “Two Faces, Two IDs” policy bans
people whose ID pictures do not match their gender presentation. When this policy was introduced it received international media attention. One of the managers of the bar came out at that time and said that there were state and county laws that supported their decision to enact this new policy. Many people decided to research these alleged laws, but were unable to come up with any of them. Yet, even after this was brought up, nothing happened and the policy want unchallenged by anyone for nearly two months.

Come on people, we all fucking know that Hunters created this “policy” so it can keep the transgender people out. I am not going to tiptoe around the issue that there is a problem with hookers around that bar, but come on not every transgender person is a hooker. In fact hookers come in every sexual orientation or gender. So if the issue becomes male hookers, is the bar going to make a policy to try to ban the whole male population? That is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. This whole issue is a wonderful example of “profiling” and needs to stop immediately.

Okay, sorry about my rant. Back to the reason of this post.

At the beginning of October, a few members of many different ages and backgrounds of the transgender community got feed up of the lack of action being taken against Hunters and decided to take action. They met to discuss how to respond to Hunters “Two Faces, Two IDs” door policy. They reached out to other GLBTI groups in the community and asked everyone them to spread the word of a protest at Hunters on October 23rd. The protest main goal was to challenge Hunters new policy and have them over turn it. The organizers asked everyone who was coming for the protest to dress up in drag.

Well the night turned out like this: There were over forty people out on Friday night standing in the freezing cold parking lot waiting to challenge the new policy at Hunters. As we all made our way into the bar, two of us were turned away. The remaining people who were able to make it into the bar, were asked to leave the bar about an hour later. To clarify on this part a little; we were asking the manager about the policy and why they allowed some of us in and not others and next thing I know we were being asked to leave. I can not comment on what was being said between our organizers and the management at Hunters for I was not there for the whole conversation. I just know that after we were asked to leave, most of us braved the cold temperatures outside because Patrick Volkert, a manager at Hunters, agreed to talk to us. We all waited for him to come out and talk to us. When he finally did come out, he would only talk to the group organizer. So the rest of us waited in the parking lot, talking and sharing stories until the meeting was done.

When the meeting was over we were told that our demand that Hunters repeal the policy was denied and so we decided to boycott Hunters.

So I am asking all my friends, no matter of sexual orientation or gender to boycott Hunters Nightclub effective immediately. And please do not stop boycotting until Hunters publicly repeals their “Two faces, Two IDs,” door policy.

And remember, “Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Transphobia has got to go!”

MJ

PS. . . About the picture above. MY friend Andrea Crain provided this photo of me from the event. It is of my attempt at drag. I went as a Glam Rocker version of a prudish woman like Barbra Bush. Okay really I couldn't get my wig to work out the way I wanted and I did not want to let anyone down so I dressed up with the thought that why fit in, when we are meant to stand out from the crowd.

Equal protection for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states. Now.

So I have been struggling with whether or not to post this post for over a week. For how could I talk about all the sweat and tears that went into getting involved with the Chicago’s chapter of Join The Impact and our hard work to get buses to the Equality March on Washington D.C. without pulling up a mixture of emotions. I am not talking about the bus issue, for that has been covered in a pervious blog of mine. I am talking about the disgust I felt toward myself for not getting involved sooner. I was a very sheltered guy from Cortland, Illinois who looked at the march on Washington D.C. thirty years ago as a failure. Don’t get mad at me, but that was my own opinion.

As I got to know different folks from Join the Impact Chicago I learned that the problem with the march in 1979 was that their list of demands were to specific. They demanded protection for all gay and lesbian people comparable to those in the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the repeal of laws expressly discriminating against gay and lesbian people, an enactment of laws establishing gay and lesbian parents’ rights, and the protecting of gay and lesbian youth from harm. So as we and other grassroots organizations started to plan out the demands for the march that happened on October 11th, we came up with only one simple demand. We demanded “Equal protection for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states. Now.” This one single demand is a huge change from the state of gay rights activism thirty years ago. For this new message is one of unity.

Also before joining JTIC (Join The Impact Chicago) I was a member of HRC (Human Rights Campaign). I thought if I sent them my monthly check I was doing my part of helping the GLBTI community. But boy was I wrong. As I got more involved with JTIC I began to notice that it was these grassroots activist from around the country that are going to make a difference and not the established GLBTI groups in Washington D.C. like HRC.

I was also amazed to see that we had a lot of young grassroots activist whom were inspired by President Obama and outraged by the passage Proposition 8, California’s gay marriage ban out their fighting for equality for everyone. But what really amazed me the most was a specific member of JTIC. His name is Jerry Pritikin and he is one of the most fascinating people I ever had the pleasure to get to know. Just getting to know Jerry and the struggles he had during the gay movement of the 1970’s makes me have a more profound respect for the older generation of GLBTI activists who paved the road that made it possible for us to have our Equality March on Washington D.C. back on October 11th.

“Okay, get back on track MJ…”

As JTIC and other grassroots organizations’ worked on the Equality March we met with some infighting among larger GLBTI activist groups in our community. We were told that it wasn’t wise for us to hold a march on Washington D.C. this soon. That we would never pull it together in time. We were told we should wait till the timing was better. But we did not listen to those groups and we forged forward on our quest to pull together a march on Washington D.C. for equal rights for everyone.

Okay, I understand that all this infighting is part of political organizing. There is always going to be disputes when you decide to stage a national political demonstration that is going to portray a public face on GLBTI equality to America. Yet as a community shouldn’t we all be on the same page and demand this rights now rather then later. I mean aren’t we tired of being second class citizens?

Our little group of GLBTSA (yes I added S and A, but that is because we do have wonderful straight allies fighting along side us in JTIC) activist worked as hard as we could to get as many people from Chicago to Washington D.C.. When we first started planning this back in August we set our goal at getting one bus of 53 people to the March. We started off hitting the pavement running. We had people out on the streets flyering. We then got the great Cleve Jones to come out and speak at an event (which to this day remains one of the coolest days of my life). We hosted three wonderful fundraisers (Early to Bed, Glenwood, and Hydrate) where these local businesses allowed us to use their space to fight for Equality. And as time went by we went from one bus to two. Then two to three. And finally three to four. That means that we got two hundred and twelve people to decide to ride the bus and fight for equality. It is funny looking back on that first meeting and remembering how we were worried we weren’t even going to be able to fill that first bus.

To no ones fault only three of the four buses would make it to Washington D.C.. As I stated in an earlier post, emotions were running wild in Ohio and on the trip back to Chicago. Yet a group of the fifty-three returnees stuck out the cold of Chicago by hanging out at Union Station before heading to the solidarity rally being held in Chicago. During this time was when the fire within me got relit and I realized that even with this minor setback, nothing was going to stop me from achieving my goal of equality for everyone in all fifty states.

As my friends started to report back to me about the march I was well at first pissed because I wasn’t there, but then I was overjoyed to learn two really great things happened. The first was that it wasn’t only the GLBTI community that came out in force, but also our straight allies also played a large role in this march. But the biggest thing that cheered me up was when my friend told me that the rainbow flag had replaced the Human Rights Campaign logo that was popular at the 2000 march on Washington D.C.. This is more of a personal joy, because as a grassroots organizer of this march, I rather the credit go to the GLBT community instead of a group who claims to represent us in Washington D.C. but yet did nothing for this march.

Now onto my doubting Thomas part of my post. It still remains to be seen whether two hundred plus people congregating in downtown Washington will convince Congress and the White House to take action on a range of issues, from the Defense of Marriage Act to employment non-discrimination. We have to remember that the gay civil rights bill never materialized after the march in 1979. So I hope that this march will prove to be the one that helps GLBTI activists and the ordinary Americans to unite and thrive toward change in a way they haven’t before. Hell, it’s worth a try.

MJ

Gay Marriage Leaves Door Open for Satan to Take Your Children.

Okay on Monday I posted a blog and made a silly little comment saying that “… if two gays or two lesbians get married we open the gates of hell and Satan comes and takes your children….”

I was surprised at how many people sent me e-mails and took offense to what I had to say. These people apparently had "spoken" with God and he had assured them that he was no friend of the gays. He also told them that he loved America more than any other country and was a huge fan of The 700 Club.

The small controversy all started when I posted a blog on Monday about Fight the Good Fight [CCL of Maine/MFPC] where they mention they need to fight against gay equality for the children of Maine.

Well if they get to rattle off what they believe, then I can do the same thing. So let me start off by telling you a series of things that I believe to be true.

* I am a person who believes that I was born gay. I don't think I hade any control over whom I was attracted to. That's why it's called an attraction and not a choice.

* I honestly believe that America is a great nation of even greater people. I also believe that anyone who says that this is a "Christian nation" doesn't realize that most of our founding fathers could see that there was a need to put into their brand new constitution a SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE so that the ideals of a group of people could never be forced onto the whole. (On a related note: I do find it kind of funny when people point out to me that it says "one nation under god" in our pledge of allegiance, not realizing that this was added in the1950’s during the communism scare of the McCarthy era.)

* I believe the fact that an atheist is allowed to enter into the holy land of marriage while a gay Christian is not, shows that this law is subjective.

* I believe that their isn't one person who is against gay marriage that can give me a reason why it shouldn't be legal without bringing God or their religion into it. Yet I am amazed at the audacity of a small, misdirected group of the ultra-conservative Christian right wing to spend millions of dollars on advertisements to stop two men or women who love each other from being able to be married. Yet if you present any opposition to them, they accuse you of attacking their religion. Isn't it funny that the people who are the quickest to take someone's basic rights are always the loudest to scream when someone attacks their right to do so?

Now I will leave you with a question. Please explain to me how my conversation about laws have anything to do with religion at all?

MJ

I Hate the Gay Alphabet

As I was searching news stories to report on today, I came across the Politically Correct name for gay community and it is GLBTIQSAF. What the FUCK? Are they serious? This is our name? This is our Politically Correct community name? Come on wouldn’t you feel a little silly writing all that out? Because I know I do. Here’s what I suggest we do about it…

First off we need to talk about what all of this gay alphabet means:

G = Gay
L = Lesbian
B = Bi-Sexual
T = Transgender
I = Inter-Sex
Q = Queer and Questioning
F = Friends and Family
S = Straight Supporter
A = Alliance or Alley

And here is the most confusing part of this name… People freely switch the letters around or drop them completely. Depending of course on their own personal issues and identifiers.

For example:

GLBT or LGBT = Some one who identifies more with Gay or Lesbian and not so keen on the other groups that got left out. Or just not up on all the other “letters” issues.

GLBTI or LGBTI= Same thing as above but knows more about the “I” and is trying to include everyone.

GLBTQI or LGBTQI = Is someone who wants to represent those that are struggling with coming out. Typically people who aren’t out or had a very hard time coming out.

But really, this all boils down to people trying to be somewhat Politically Correct, or at least as much as they can stomach.

Now I know that the terms Gay Community or Gay and Lesbian Community can be a little divisive. I can see the logic there. It’s not just Gays and Lesbians fighting in this struggle for equality. Bisexuals, Transgender and Inter Sex need to be represented in the group. They are facing the same or similar issues of intolerance and injustice. But Friends/Family, Questioning, Supporters and Allies? Really?

Please don’t get me wrong. I love all my straight friends who support our movement. But why do you need to be included in our name. I know that you guys are there standing with us, but you guys are not us. Think about it for a second. You guys are supporters of the community, not part of it. We are not included in your guys politically Correct name as Friends/Family, Supporters and Allies. So please don’t get mad when I recommend we drop the FSA from our name.

Now on to my biggest pet peeve, the Questioning. I am sorry but you either are or you aren’t. Do you know that we are the ONLY group that includes questioning as a class of “members”. Besides, most people who are questioning their sexuality tend to designate themselves as bisexual. At least until they know for sure or feel comfortable being one way or the other. So say bye-bye to the Q from our name.

Now to get rid of them all, mwahaha! Like I said before I get the divisive nature of the terms Gay Community and Gay and Lesbian Community. But what’s wrong with Queer? The term Queer Community can include everyone with out any special place holders or rules of order. Plus, Queer is such a powerful word. It even sounds less…well pansy-ish.

Would you mess with a Queer? Of course not, they’ll cut ya. But a GLBTIer… that just sounds lame. So, I’m casting my vote for Queer.

MJ

A No Vote for Question One in Maine, Is a Vote for Satan!

While Stand For Marriage Maine has been working all summer and fall to disconnect themselves from the rabidly anti-gay Christian Civic League of Maine/Maine Family Policy Council, we have well established that they do however have so many ties to them, that it's a wonder the two organizations can even fart without the other feeling a quiver. So with this being the case, perhaps it's time we stop judging Stand For Marriage Maine on the basis of the overly advised, carefully code worded, disingenuous press releases that they put out. Instead, we need to start listening to what their unabashedly straightforward cousins have to say about the Nov. 3 vote:

“It is a well-known fact that Satan will do everything in his power to tear down the walls of spiritual protection around those who are unaware of his devices. All serious parents are concerned about what the future holds for their children. We must stand up and fight!

The family is made up of one man and one woman who have left father and mother and cleave to one another and become one! That is the biblical definition of marriage. Every serious Christian must defend that definition and also stand up as an advocate, supporter and fan of a traditional home. The importance of voting "yes" on question 1 cannot be over stated.

Maine and America is in trouble. The homosexual life style is being widely accepted even to the point that some churches are voting to accept them in their pulpits. Bi-sexuals, cross dressers, and those who have had sex changes seem to be taking over our society . . . . God's Word calls it an abomination!

The enemy is hurling things at the church at an astonishing pace. As God fearing, Bible believing, Holy Spirit filled believers, we must defend our families from the attack of enemy forces.

Is anybody ready to stand and fight for their family? We have an opportunity on November 3rd to protect marriage and family by voting and encouraging everyone we know to vote “yes” on question one.

Fight the Good Fight [CCL of Maine/MFPC]”

I'm pleading with those people up in Maine to not vote for “yes” on question one to protect the close minded version of marriage, but vote “no” on question one to support equality. Sure, it may piss off some of those locals who have appointed themselves to live their lives on a holy moral pedestal to which the rest of us could only hope to aspire.

But honestly it's not even about us, our right as tax-paying citizens to have civil fairness, the preservation of civil rights in the face of majority tyranny, or the simple need for Maine to do the decent thing. And it's not about partisan politics. No, no -- it's about Satan trying to take over the children. Because if two gays or two lesbians get married we open the gates of hell and Satan comes and takes your children. . . .
MJ

The Sanctity of Cabinet Making

As I was going through my e-mails this morning, I saw an e-mail from an old friend of mine that I haven’t talked to in several years. Our friendship took a beaten in early 2007 when we had a falling out about my sexual orientation. She told me then that unless I gave up my sinful lifestyle we could no longer be friends. So I walked away from that friendship with a saddened heart.

So you have to understand my shock of seeing her name in my e-mail box this morning. I was surprised by her e-mail to say the least. It made my blood boil, but not at her at what she was telling me. I will let the e-mail explain it. Here is the e-mail:

Hey Mikey,

I know it’s been a while since we last talk and I am really sorry about that. I would love to reconnect with you someday soon. But on to the reason for this e-mail. I was at church on Sunday and my pastor was talking about the National Equality March on Washington DC. He talked about how we were going to hear a bunch of people saying untruths about homosexuality and that it was our job to combat these lies with the Lords truths. He then went on to share a story with us and I just needed to share it with you.

“Once upon a time there was a cabinet maker. He produced fine, wood cabinets for the people of his village and they all came to him whenever they needed a cabinet for their home. He took great pride in producing cabinets, using wood from two different trees and fitting the crafted pieces together into a seamless union. His cabinets had many drawers and room enough to protect the things the villagers needed to store. The cabinets were strong and useful, built to last a lifetime.

Many villagers were glad to have a useful and beautiful cabinet in their home. The villagers used the cabinet's drawers to protect their possessions from dirt and bugs, filth and corruption. With care, a cabinet lasted a lifetime, protecting the villagers' possessions and making the villagers happy.

Yet, over the years, the cabinet maker discovered that many of the villagers didn't properly care for their cabinets. They no longer realized that even the best-made cabinets needed care and protection. Instead, some villagers left their cabinets exposed to the weather, to dry and crack. Some left their cabinets exposed to rot and filth. Termites ate away at others. Neglected, many of the cabinets broke to pieces.

Some villagers even destroyed their cabinets outright in fits of anger or abuse. Some left their cabinets empty and unused, then threw them away because they could find no use for them.

Many villagers, whose cabinets decayed, blamed the cabinet maker for not building the cabinets strong enough. Even more villagers blamed the cabinets themselves, thinking that cabinets weren't worth the price and care needed to maintain them. Of course, the corrupted and broken cabinets weren't the cabinet maker's, nor the cabinet's fault. Neither were responsible for the villagers' neglect or abuse.

The cabinet maker shook his head in sad bewilderment at the villagers who blamed him or his fine cabinets. In neglecting or abusing the cabinets, the villagers blamed everyone but themselves.

One day, a stranger came to town, telling every villager he met that he, too, was a cabinet maker. He told the villagers that his cabinets were new and improved. The new cabinets, he assured the villagers, were much better than the old ones they were used to. He pointed to the broken and decaying old cabinets as proof that the villagers needed new and improved cabinets. According to the stranger, as soon as he set up shop to sell his new cabinets, the villagers certainly would not want any other kind.

The stranger soon showed up at the cabinet maker's door. The two shared few pleasantries, the cabinet maker finding himself in a quick and tense conversation with his new competitor.

"I understand you have a new cabinet you are trying to sell the people," the cabinet maker said.

"That's right," said the stranger. "My cabinets are newer and better than yours and soon everyone will want one. Your cabinets are now obsolete."

"We'll see," said the cabinet maker. " Do you have one of your new cabinets you can show me?"

The stranger pulled one of his cabinets out of the back of his truck and set it in front of the cabinet maker.

The cabinet maker was startled. In front of him was, not a cabinet, but an end table. "That's not a cabinet," he said. "That's an end table."

"No, you're wrong," the stranger said. "This is a new and improved cabinet and soon everyone will want one."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "it has no drawers. How can it be a cabinet without drawers? It cannot protect the villagers' possessions without drawers."

"Drawers are obsolete," the stranger said. "No one really cares about drawers anymore and those that do happen to need drawers can just stack them underneath the cabinet."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "it is made from only one tree and therefore is weak and cannot support the weight the villagers will place on it."

"Using two trees is old-fashioned. No one really believes that you need two trees to make a cabinet anymore. And besides, no one really expects cabinets to hold any weight anyway."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "it is a side table, not a cabinet. No one will buy this!"

The stranger got angry with the cabinet maker. "You are just an old man with stupid old ideas about cabinets! I will make sure your old and stupid ideas don't stop me from selling my cabinets!" With that the stranger packed up his side table and left.

The next day, the constable showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "The stranger filed a complaint against you," the constable said. "He said you were rude and unfair to him and wouldn't allow him to sell his cabinets to the villagers."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What the stranger makes are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The constable got angry with the cabinet maker. "That's just what he said you'd say. I'm citing you for unfair business practices and hate speech." With that the constable handed a citation to the cabinet maker and left.

Soon after, the stranger showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "You stupid, ignorant old man, what do you have to say about my cabinets now?"

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What you make are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The stranger got even more angry than the first time. "You are not only stupid and ignorant, you are a liar!" With that the stranger left.

The next day, the magistrate showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "I will declare from the magistrate's bench that your refusal to acknowledge the stranger's cabinet is unconstitutional, unfair, and takes away his civil rights. If you don't agree, you'll lose your business license and will never make cabinets again."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What the stranger makes are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The magistrate got angry with the cabinet maker. "Are you implying that I don't recognize unfair and unconstitutional acts when I see them? I'm declaring the stranger's civil rights from the magistrate's bench whether you like it or not!" With that the magistrate left.

Soon after, the stranger showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "You bigoted moron, what do you have to say about my cabinets now?"

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What you make are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The stranger got even more angry than the second time. "You are not only bigoted and a moron, you are a filthy liar!" With that the stranger left.

The next day, the mayor showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "I will pass a law that says that anything the stranger makes is indeed a cabinet. If you don't agree, you'll lose your business license and will never make cabinets again."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What the stranger makes are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The mayor got angry with the cabinet maker. "Are you implying that I'm getting paid off by the stranger to make these laws? I'm passing that law whether you like it or not!" With that the mayor left.

Soon after, the stranger showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "You old, decrepit cretin, what do you have to say about my cabinets now?"

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What you make are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The stranger got even more angry than the third time. "You are not only an old cretin, you are a filthy scumbag liar!" With that the stranger left.

The next day, a student showed up at the cabinet maker's door. "My teacher told me that you don't believe in cabinets."

"But," the cabinet maker said, "you don't understand. What the stranger makes are not cabinets but side tables. They use wood from only one tree and have no drawers."

The student shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever, old dude. You are just as bigoted as the stranger said you'd be. Your ideas are soooooo yesterday!" With that the student left.

The cabinet maker sighed and went back inside his house. He continued to make proper cabinets, using two trees and building lots of drawers, just in case any of the villagers could still tell the difference between a cabinet and a side table…

I tell you brothers and sisters that a side table cannot be a cabinet. Same sex marriage cannot be marriage. Help protect the institution of marriage from those who would change and neuter its definition, and remember, marriage isn't merely an agreement between adults, it is an institution to protect children. Consider donating a few dollars to help preserve the foundational institution of marriage.”

Mikey after listening to this story I thought about you and I now get the bigotry of the church. Who has the right to determine who gets civil rights and who doesn’t. Please forgive me for taking so long to realize that I was an ass when I walked away from our friendship. Please give me a chance to prove to you I have changed.

Your friend for life,
Jess

I apologize for the length of this post but I wanted to share what is being taught from the pulpits of our churches. I really loved the line about marriage being an institution to protect our children. What about those children who come from broken homes. Does god not love them anymore?

I will leave you with a quote, “They are preserving the sanctity of marriage, so that two gay men who've been together for twenty-five years can't get married, but a guy can still get drunk in Vegas and marry a hooker at the Elvis chapel! The sanctity of marriage is saved!” - Lea DeLaria

Trip Down Memory Lane

Last night Darren and I were doing some house cleaning and I came across a book that had some of my old poetry in it. I took a break from cleaning and started to flip though the pages and taking a trip down memory lane.

I wanted to share two poems with you guys that are as relevant today as they were when I first wrote them.

The first poem is called “In the Grey”. It was originally written after I came out at church. I thought that I was broken and wanted to be fixed. I was convinced that I would lose God’s love if I remained gay. This poem is about my struggle between my spiritual life and my sexual orientation. I hope you enjoy “In the Grey”. . .

In the Grey

Every second that passes is one less that remains,
In the lives we all live every day
And though most would believe life is all Black and White,
It is forgotten that combined they make Grey.

So just what is involved in believing this way,
A lot more than most can conceive
For it is a dangerous game to condemn without thought,
More dangerous than you would believe.

God teaches 'Compassion and Love' in His word,
Along with the way we should live
But it seems we have confused it with prejudice and hate,
When the time comes for us to forgive.

Black and white is so easy for it narrows the view,
And allows us the chance to play God
For we have made up our minds to what is right and what is wrong,
Without walking where others have trod.

I write this to tell you that the Grey is quite real,
And it allows no escape from its hold
For the passage you are given leads you back to the start,
And you are left feeling lifeless and cold.

But to follow our heart and the plan God has written,
Would mean living a life that is a lie
For we are trapped in a body that desires its own,
And we cannot make it change though we try.

So we try to find peace on the other side too,
But the Love that we seek is not there
Though our body is fulfilled our heart is still empty,
For our minds keep trying to compare.

I am not asking for much, just a chance to be loved,
For I have so much love to give
But I am weak and so tired of this struggle inside,
That at times I just do not want to live.

Once again I asked God to fix what has gone wrong,
Or help me find peace being gay
For this battle inside me is destroying my spirit,
Because Love cannot be found 'In the Grey'.

The other poem I wanted to share was written during a period when I just lost the love of my life and was trying to rationalize why it was better for me to be alone instead of in a relationship because straight society wouldn’t except our love anyway. This poem is titled “Outside Looking In” and it is funny that this poem was written nearly ten years ago and yet not much has changed. So here is “Outside Looking In”.


Outside Looking In

Stolen moments of the past are all that remain,
Of the once treasured Love that I had
Though I took it for granted, not knowing the cost,
The emptiness now makes me sad.

So much time has passed, yet so little has changed,
And I am weary from all I have been through
Still reality is the thing I now fear the most,
But there is really not much I can do.

It is not losing the love that I once held so dear,
Or waking each morning alone
It is facing the fear it may not come again,
A fear which has steadily grown.

Convincing myself it is not something I need,
I push to move forward each day
And though it works for a while, the emptiness returns,
For my Heart knows no other way.

So I hide from the world till my strength can return,
Hoping to buy myself time
Repeating the words that I cannot stand to hear,
That being alone is not a crime.

And what if by chance Love finds its way in,
It would have to be hidden from view
For we are not allowed to walk hand-in-hand,
Even though it would feel right to do.

We can hug if we are careful, but not for too long,
For it is not an acceptable thing
And kissing in public could just get you killed,
No matter the Joy it might bring.

So what is really the point in searching for Love,
If it has to be kept out of sight
We can never express what we feel in our heart,
Even though we have just as much right.

Do not take for granted the freedom you have,
For the difference between us, is thin
Still it is enough to keep you on the inside,
And us 'Outside Looking In'.

Thank you for taking this trip down memory lane with me. I hope that you all have a wonderful day and I will talk to you again soon.

MJ

Equality Rally in Chicago not Washington DC

This picture was taken by Jerry Pritikin in Ohio. Pictured is Mariela, myself, Farrin, Messina and Michael.

Hey everyone,

As some of you may already know one of the buses from JTIC had some drama Saturday night and we were stuck in Ohio for over 5 hours. So we did not make it to the Equality March in Washington DC. Which I have to admit I was devastated and heart-broken when we found out that we could not make it to Washington DC. There was some bitterness in me that I had to fight back toward the other 3 buses that made it to Washington DC, for I knew that it wasn't their fault that they made it to Washington DC and my bus did not.

During my time at the rest area in Genoa, Ohio (which my friend Rachel dubbed he "Devil's Waiting Room". I hung out at a table with Mariela, Farrin, Michael, Jerry, Messina and Rachel. We played a few games of Boggle. During these games we were forming strong friendships that I beleive will last for a life time. We ended the games of Boggle when the words "queer" and "wed" appeared. Later on in the nighta group of people got together in the center of the rest area and played duck, duck, goose.

Later on in the night we were all drained from lack of sleep and we started to find anything to be funny. But my favorite moment in the night was when Mariela bought a candy ring and went to Farrin slipped the ring on her pinkie (would not fit on ring finger)and said, "In Ohio where queer wed first showed up. Will you say yes when it is legal?" Farrin said yes and they kissed over Jerry. Not even five minutes later Farrin slams her hand down on the table and broke the ring into pieces. We all just could not contain the laughter.

When we voted to return back to Chicago, I again was sad and depressed along with other people in the "Devil's Waiting Room". But as we got back to Chicago, I started to feel better. I came to the realization that the March on Washington DC may of been our initial goal but it was also to reach out and make friends and fight for civil rights for all. We did not have to be in Washington DC to do this.

So a group of about 10 of us from Bus 1 stayed around and hung out at Union Station downtown for a while. A wonderful woman by the name of Betsy Johnson pulled out a book and started a e-mail list which is referred to as the "Bus 1 survivors list". The thing about Betsy is she is a proud PFLAG mother who was going to march for her gay son. I am glad that I am able to call her my friend.

After a few hours sitting o the steps of Union Station our group then moved to the Cultural Center to snack on some of the snacks we had for the bus and to put on layers of cloths before we headed over to Daily Plaza for Chicago's Equality Rally.

Some may of thought that the Chicago Solidarity Rally was a consolation prize over Washington DC. And if you would of asked me that yesterday morning I would have to agree with them. Yet being at that rally and listening to people like Democratic Candidate for Governor Dan Hynes, Candidate for Illinois State Senate Jim Madigan, State Rep. Greg Harris and Join the Impact Chicago's very own Matty Z. I was moved by everyone who spoke at the rally.

I am not looking at this weekend as an end of my movement toward equal rights for everyone. NO, I am looking at it as the beginning and I will do everything in my power to make a difference in this movement be it here in Chicago or in Washington DC.

So for those of you who were not able to make it to Washington DC for what ever reason, do NOT give up the fight for equal rights. And for those of you who made it to Washington DC, I look forward to hearing what you have to share with us.

MJ

Obama To Take On Military Gay Ban At `Right Time'

This past Sunday James Jones, security adviser to President Obama, made his rounds of the morning political talk shows and stated that the president will focus on overturning Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell “at the right time.”

For those of my readers that do not know what Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is, I will tell you. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a law that was passed in 1993 that bans gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid wrote in a letter back on Sept 24th to President Obama, “At a time when we are fighting two wars, I do not believe we can afford to discharge any qualified individuals who is willing to serve our country.”

Congress is considering repealing the law, but action isn’t expected to be taken on this issue till early next year. The reason is because according to Jones, President Obama has an awful lot on his desk. Yet he says that he knows this is an issue that Obama intends to take care off at the appropriate time. He later says that the Defense Department is already doing the things that it has to do to prepare for the change, but the president will take it on at the right time.

Okay an I the only one who is pissed off! Do we remember when Obama was only a candidate for the presidency he promised s to repeal this law when he became president. Yet he has done nothing since taking office in January. Instead his administration has said that it will not stop the military from dismissing gays and lesbians who acknowledge their sexuality.

Do you know that last year 634 members of the military were discharged for being gay. Yes that is better then back in 2001 when 1,227 were discharged. But still that number should be zero. . .

The Empty Boat

A friend shared a cute little story with me and I had to share it with all of you.

A man was crossing the river in his rowboat when another boat collided with his. The man became very angry. He turned to the person manning the other boat, cursed, and shouted at him to steer clear. The next day, the man followed his routine to cross the river when yet again, another boat collided with his. Furiously, he turned around, ready to unleash his anger and vocabulary of profanity at the person in the other boat. However, to his surprise, the other boat was empty. Immediately, his anger subsided and he gently pushed the empty boat away.

Why is it that we would not be angered if an empty boat collided with ours, but we would be most unhappy if the boat was manned? Why are we forgiving and respectful to an empty boat but not to another person?

I should learn to control my temper...

MJ

Depression - The Death of Bradley

The other day I was talking to a close friend of mine who is suffering from depression and was thinking of committing suicide. I shared with him the story of my lover Bradley. I will now share that story with y'all.

I meet Bradley my sophomore year of high school. I attended Amos Alonzo Stagg High School and he attended Victor J.Andrew High School. We started talking on AOL and then decided to meet. At first we decided to be friends and then it turned into a secret relationship (because I was closeted).

By junior year I could no longer keep it a secret and I told some of my close friends about him. All was going well until one day I found out that Bradley had cheated on me with one of my close friends. I was destroyed. I told Bradley to f*ck off and I never wanted to speak to him again. But he was persistent and wanted me to give him a second chance. Me being me and knowing I was still in love with him decided to forgive him with the understanding that it would never happen again.

During my senior year Bradley asked me to commit my life to him. I was so excited. We worked day and night on the plans for our civil union. And I thought all was going well in my life. But I was wrong. I found out that Bradley was cheating on me again with the same friend. This time I made it perfectly clear to him that it was over for good.

Then on the night of September 17th, 1999 I received a phone call from Bradley. He kept begging me to forgive him. I told him no. He then made a threat that if I would not take him back he was going to kill himself. I told him to f*ck off and my life would be better off if he did kill himself. (I let my anger get the best of me).

Well the morning of the 18th, I awoke to a phone call at 3 am. It was Mark, Bradley's brother. He called to tell me that Bradley took their father's gun and killed himself. I closed off my life to those close to me and I also attempted suicide.

A friend of mine made me go see a councilor. On my first visit she wanted me to write a letter to Bradley explaining the pain he caused me by his actions. In the back of my mind I thought that this was a stupid idea. It wasn't going to change anything. But it was a great outlet for my emotions. It helped me sort out what really going on inside my head.

As I wrote this letter I noticed that my hatred for Bradley and what he did started to grow. How could he of been such a hypocrite. When ever the topic of suicide came up among our friends, he always said that only someone so mindless and heartless would turn to suicide. My friends tried to rationalize that Bradley really did love and care about me. But I felt like I mattered so little to him and that was how he was able to end his life without batting an eye.

I also came to the realization that I did not only hate Bradley for what he did, but I also had so much self loathing for saying the things I said and letting him think that I did not love him anymore.

There has not been a day that goes by that I don't think of him and the love that I still carry around in my heart for him. If he was still with us maybe my life would of went down a different path. But I will never know because what he did that night was permanent.

Advice to any depressed readers

Depression hits different people for different reasons - whether it be a depression that only last a few hours or days; to a depression that leads to suicidal feeling, you should think about getting help. I've learned that you have a lot of options available to you. I have fought a long battle with depression and I know that it may never go away. But you can't just stop living your life because of it.

I have a few things I like to do when I feel depressed:

1.) Go out with friends - even if I didn't feel like going out in the first place, I forced myself and it helped me keep my mind off of what was making me depressed. Friends are there for good times and bad.

2.) Treat myself to something special. If there is a CD or DVd I've been meaning to get? I go and get it! Spend a bit of money, and get something you've been wanting. Or just go window shopping - if you see a book you like, go get it!

3.) Do something I enjoy doing. You probably don't feel up to much, but give it a go. If you like swimming, go and do it, at least for twenty minutes - you might do it longer when you realize you're enjoying it.

4.) Listen to some "happy" music. I have a few tunes that I find make me happy - I just can't help moving my feet, and enjoying it. I don't know how many other people this works for, but try it.

If your depression is more severe, you'll need some more severe methods of tackling it. But don't dismiss the examples I've given above - at least try them. They won't work for everybody, but it's worth trying. If not, don't worry. There is always an answer.

The next step is to confront your depression. Not so much your depression itself, but what is causing it. Think about what's been happening in your life recently, and write a list of the problems that may have caused your depression. After you wrote these things down it is now time to do something about it - work your way through the list, sorting out the problems, and checking them off one by one. You can do it immediately, or over a day or week. But make sure the problems are sorted.

If you can't sort out the problems by yourself, it might be time to talk to someone about it. There are many places to look for help. Try looking close to you at first - your friends and family. Ask them if they would mind spending an hour or so with you - they might be able to throw a new perspective on things. The main aim is to sort out the problems together - if you can't get rid of the depression, aim for the heart of the problem.

You might feel that parents, brothers or sisters, friends or teachers aren't the right people to talk to. Find a councilor who deals with depression. Don't be ashamed - everyone has problems they need to deal with, and it is a lot easier to do with help.

When Bradley died and I was seeing my councilor I felt like it was a waste of time. But even though she couldn't give advice, she asked questions about what happened, and it helped me understand it more; to put it in some sort of logical order.

I hope I have inspired ideas for you to deal with your depression. I am very sorry if I haven't managed to help - but please don't give up hope. And what ever you do please don't give up.

- MJ

Illinois Politicians support Gay Equality.

Illinois, best known for the corruption in their government -- now has not one but two very visual and vocal fighters for equality for the LGBT community in their government.

The first one is Alexi Giannoulias. And in the interests of fairness, let me first say, that I think Alexi is hot!!!! But now it turns out he's smart, he open and accepting, and he's gay friendly!! Well that makes him perfect in my book. . . .

Alexi, who is a candidate for the Illinois Senate has come out a week or so ago in favor of legalization for same-sex marriage and, if elected, would seek to repeal a federal law that defines marriage as being between one man and one woman. I didn't hear him mince any words. His speech was very plain spoken and to the point. And, yes, still hot.

Alexi also believes that individual states should be able to decide for themselves whether they allow same-sex couples to marry, but that all states should be required to afford legal recognition to same-sex marriages performed in states where they are sanctioned. He would require the federal government to recognize same-sex marriages, now prohibited by the Defense of Marriage Act, something he wants repealed. He says this would have the effect, in part, of allowing gay and lesbian couples to file joint federal income tax returns and receive Social Security survivor benefits.

To top it off, he wants to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".

"This goes to what this country was founded on -- equality and fairness," said Alexi Giannoulias, emphasizing that he sees same-sex marriage as a constitutional and legal issue in the context of past civil rights struggles.

I say, Go on with your hot, bad self Alexi!

And not only me but many other gay activists in Illinois believe that Giannoulias, currently the state treasurer, is the first major candidate in a statewide race to stake out a position in favor of gay marriage.

Alexi Giannoulias: "This is what I believe in, and I'm sure not everyone is going to agree with me....I'd like to think the public is more accepting of gay and lesbian couples in committed relationships. It could be risky, but it's what I believe....While marriage as a religious institution should be governed by people's faith and the tenets of their religion, marriage as a civil institution should be governed by principles of fairness. Civil marriage should be equal for all people and provide the same protections under the law, with all legal rights and responsibilities. They're equal rights."

Alexi also believes people will look back on the marriage equality debate 10 or 15 years from now and "be amazed we didn't do this sooner."

In an Alexi Giannoulias world, and wouldn't it be a hot hot world.....okay, I'll stop.....a same-sex couple from Illinois who get married in Iowa, where gay marriage became legal earlier this year, would have the same rights here as a married heterosexual couple. Those rights like: inheritance rights, hospital visitation rights, equal pension and health care benefits and all other legal protections granted married couples.

"I don't think we're asking for special rights," Giannoulias said. "They're equal rights."

Alexi Giannoulias, I think I love you.

Okay, now for the second Politician from Illinois. This man isn’t as hot as Alexi Giannoulias, but hey who is. Illinois Congressman Mike Quigley released a statement earlier this week speaking out in favor of the Respect for Marriage Act of 2009. That's the new legislation introduced by Jerrold Nadler that would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

Mike Quigley: “Today, in supporting this Act, I am an arch conservative. Why is that? Because when you think about it, what have the conservatives said for all time about government’s role? That government’s role is to stay out of people’s personal lives.

This will allow people privacy and the right to make decisions that are most important to them. But most of all, it is about respect for what they decide to do with their own lives as long as they’re not hurting anyone else. So what, I would ask, is a more intimate, more important, more critical decision, a more sacred decision than who we love—and how we express that love?”...

Through DOMA, which was signed into law 13 years ago, on September 21, 1996, the federal government can single out legally married same-sex couples for discriminatory treatment under federal law, selectively denying them more than 1,100 federal protections and responsibilities – including Social Security and immigration benefits – that otherwise apply to married couples.

This policy is discriminatory and harmful to families, preventing the government from honoring its legal commitments and the needs of families, even though these couples have assumed the obligations of civil marriage under state law and contribute as citizens and taxpayers.

So who would of guessed, that with the bad image past Governors and other Politicians had given Illinois -- that two great men would stand up and put a new light on Illinois. Placing Illinois right in the foreground of a great movement that is taking this country one state at a time.

MJ

Get Rid of Your Labels About Sexual Minorities

Hello everyone. First off I want to take a moment and plug 2 events that Join The Impact Chicago is hosting tonight. The first one is an information session about the march on Washington from 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. Thursday night at the Rogers Park Public Library branch, 6907 N. Clark St., called "National Equality March: What it is and Why You Should Go." The International Socialist Organization is co-sponsoring the session.

After the information session Thursday night, join JTIC at The Glenwood, a bar at 6962 N. Glenwood Ave., for the "Fashion for Equality" fundraiser. Their will be raffles and the bar's TVs will be tuned into "Project Runway". This event will be going on from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m.

So since the fundraiser tonight is going to be at a bar, I decided to write about a company that is doing something to show that they support our efforts to make a difference and fight for equality for all. This company is Absolut Vodka, and they're putting their marketing campaign where their mouth is, by creating a labelless bottle. The point? To plug equality by saying that no matter what's on the outside of the package, it's what's on the inside that matters. And that kind of relates to people, too.

Absolut has been at the forefront of LGBT advertising for years, winning plenty of awards from organizations like the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) along the way. But this campaign takes on the power of language and words to label, and how those labels create trouble when it comes to discrimination, prejudice and fear-mongering.

"For the first time we dare to face the world completely naked. We launch a bottle with no label and no logo, to manifest the idea that no matter what’s on the outside, it’s the inside that really matters. We do it in support of the people who spend their entire lives, stamped with labels by other people," said Absolut PR Manager Kristina Hagbard.

Even sleeker than a bottle with no label? Absolut has launched a blog to talk about the no label campaign, rife with information (and a heaping dose of sarcastic snark) directed toward prejudice within and toward the LGBT community.

Companies market to us LGBT folks all of the time. But companies rarely immerse their product in the thick of the LGBT world to make a broader point about equality. This is one advertising campaign whose central message is one everyone can buy into, whether they drink alcohol or not: In an absolute world, there are no labels.

"The Violets in the Mountains Have Broken the Rocks."

The other night a good friend and I were talking about slogans we could use to describe our battle for equal rights. And we came up with a wonderful quote from Tennessee Williams. We decided that this quote is appropriate to this time in our history, and to the rights that LGBT people and our straight allies are fighting for.

"The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks."

Okay, I know what you are thinking. What does this quote have to do with our battle for equal rights? That’s simple, to me this quote is saying that the hard, cold and oppressive will--at long last is being broken apart by a force that is beautiful, natural, colorful and alive. Everyone who is active in the battle for equal rights are violets which are breaking through the rocks of bigotry and hate.

And look at the momentum we’ve built around our movement. No one can deny that we are cracking away at the rock of hate and falsehood. Just the other day a bill called the Respect for Marriage Act which was introduced to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act. This is a great step forward for our movement, but it is just that a step forward.

All we have to do is look across this great country of ours and you will see people who were born and raised in towns where a gay couple wouldn't dare walk down a street are now coming out and showing their support for their fellow man regardless of their sexual orientation. You will see blue-collar workers looking up from their work, grandmothers speaking up at the dinner table, even political leaders standing at press conferences; and they are saying something to members of their family, co-workers, and even strangers who are against gay marriage. They are saying in one, increasingly-loud voice, "Rather than worry about who someone else loves--and why, think about who you hate--and why!"

Even if it doesn’t seem like it at times, America really is a country with common sense. We are a country of innate goodness--although a goodness that is sometimes slow to action. As Winston Churchill said, "Americans are always ready to do the right thing. After they have exhausted all the other possibilities." Well we have exhausted all the other possibilities, and it is time to call an injustice an injustice.

It is an injustice that we send a gay or lesbian soldier to die in a war--to give their life for a country that won't let them be legally bound to the person they love.

It is an injustice that a soldier gives their life for a Military--an exemplary Military in every way--except one in which they cannot have the picture of their lover cut-out in the shape of a heart and taped to their locker because that would be "telling." Such a ugly word.

It is an injustice that many of us pay our taxes to the very public institutions that deny us the same rights as other Americans enjoy. Our tax money goes to public schools that will not accept us as legal parents. Our tax money goes for the paper on which they print the goddamn marriage licenses on that we cannot get.

And while we are paying our tax money for all of the above, a preacher stands at the pulpit of a multi-million-dollar mega-church advocating the damnation of gay Americans and does not pay one thin dime in taxes.

The LGBT community and our straight allies are violets and we are starting to break through the mountain of straight, white, male lawmakers in Washington. Their time is over and they know it. Which is why they are looking increasingly ridiculous and stressed.

I believe it is time Obama starts to stand up for those issues he promised to fight for along the campaign trail. My God, Dick Cheney announced that he is in favor of gay marriage. And on that very day, the National Weather Service reported hell froze over.

So Mr. President, please catch up. Newsweek magazine just said about gay marriage--and I quote: "This train's left the station. Time to get on board." Oh--there is still a lot of work to be done. But it will happen.

And when it does--when "Don't ask don't tell" is scrapped, when gay men and women can marry the people they love--when that day comes, people across this great land will be looking for a place to party.

Yes, across America we will celebrate because, at long last, that day will have arrived. But to the people reading my blog--that day will not only have arrived for us, it will have arrived because of you.

"The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks."

MJ

Overturning DOMA is the fist step of many.

Just recently a whole new generation was turned on to one of the greatest gay rights activist in our history, Harvey Milk. Thanks to a little film called Milk where Sean Penn played Harvey people were once again reminded of the trials and triumphs Harvey faced in his time. It has been over 30 years now since Harvey was assassinated. Yet today we are still fighting the same battles Harvey was battling back then. It is true that LGBT people have won limited rights in a handful of states, but we are still seen as second class citizens throughout the United States.

Harvey once said, "It takes no compromising to give people their rights."

Earlier today I was informed that Representative Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) introduced a bill into Congress to repeal the so-called "Defense of Marriage Act." If his bill passes through the Congress, Representative Nadler’s legislation would be a real big step forward in our battle for full equality. I applaud him in his efforts, but still believe that we must stop settling for compromises and half measures congress puts out about our equal rights.

When will people start to realize that equal rights are not just a "gay" issue, rather they are about our shared human rights: safety in our schools and jobs, equitable healthcare and housing, and protection for our families, to name a few.

Aren’t LGBT people guaranteed the same equal protection under the law by the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution as our straight counterparts? Our straight counterparts do not have to except compromises and half measures when it comes to their equal rights, so why should we settle for anything less. This is why I am marching on Washington next month. I am going to demand equal protection for all LGBT people under all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states and I want it now.

When Harvey spoke at Gay Freedom Day at San Francisco City Hall in 1978, he invoked the words of the Declaration of Independence: "All [people] are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words."

No more compromises. We are equal.

MJ

PS.... I know times are tough and we are in a recession,but brother or sister can you spare a dime? It's easy to do --- see the button that says donate under Join The Impact Chicago on the left side of your screen, just click it and donate. I am not asking for hundreds of dollars here, just a small donation. All the proceeds raised from this go directly to providing buses for the March on Washington. Even if you can't contribute very much, please remember that every little bit helps.

How much does it matter? That's for you to decide. In my opinion, there is nothing at stake here except our future.

Gay Marriage: The Arguments and the Motives Part 5

Sorry this is so late. . . But here is part 5.

Why This Is A Civil Rights Issue

When gay people say that this is a civil rights issue, we are referring to matters like the fact that we cannot make medical decisions for our partners in an emergency. Instead, the hospitals are usually forced by state laws to go to the families who may be estranged from us for decades, who are often hostile to us, and totally ignore our wishes for the treatment of our partners. If that hostile family wishes to exclude us from the hospital room, they may legally do so in nearly all cases. It is even not uncommon for hostile families to make decisions based on their hostility -- with results actually intended to be inimical to the interests of the patient!

One couple I know joking always says: "...partners and lovers for 20 years, yet still strangers before the law." Is this fair?

If our partners are arrested, we can be compelled to testify against them or provide evidence against them, which legally married couples are not forced to do. Is this fair?

In most cases, even carefully drafted wills and durable powers of attorney have proven to not be enough if a family wishes to challenge a will, overturn a custody decision, or exclude us from a funeral or deny us the right to visit a partner's grave. As survivors, they can even seize a real estate property that we may have been buying together for years, quickly sell it at a huge loss and stick us with the remaining debt on a property we no longer own. When these are presented to a homophobic probate judge, he will usually find some pretext to overturn them. Is this fair?

These aren't just theoretical issues, either; they happen with surprising frequency. Almost any older gay couple can tell you horror stories of friends who have been victimized in such ways.

These are all civil rights issues that have nothing whatever to do with the ecclesiastical origins of marriage; they are matters that have become enshrined in state laws over the years in many ways that exclude us from the rights that legally married couples enjoy and consider their constitutional right. This is why we say it is very much a civil rights issue; it has nothing to do with who performs the ceremony or whether an announcement is accepted for publication in the local paper. It is not a matter of "special rights" to ask for the same rights that other couples enjoy by law, even by constitutional mandate.

Conclusion

As we have seen, the arguments against gay marriage don't hold up to close scrutiny.
Neither the arguments traditionally raised nor the real feelings of the opponents make much sense when held up to the light of reason.

So let's get on with it. Let's get over our aversion to what we oppose for silly, irrational reasons, based on ignorance and faulty assumptions, and make ours a more just and honorable society, finally honoring that last phrase from the Pledge of Allegiance; "With liberty and justice for all."

MJ

Gay Marriage: The Arguments and the Motives Part 4

Hey everyone, only one more part after this. I will try my darnest to try to get tomorrows blog up at the earliest convenience because I am leaving for Florida and not sure if I will have wireless at the place I am staying. But not to worry, I will go to a local coffee shop if I have to.

The Anti-Gay-Marriage Propaganda Effort

The Players

That the organized opposition to gay marriage is primarily from groups with an obvious homophobic agenda should be self evident if one looks at who they are and what they are doing outside of the arena of the gay marriage debate. That many of them call themselves "Christian" does not, in any way, relieve them of the responsibility for the fact that preaching hate is still preaching hate, even when the hate is dressed up in the form of religious doctrine. Putting lipstick on a pig does not make it any less a pig.

These are some of the most respected religious organizations in the United States. One of the most persistent and vigorous players is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, better known as the Mormons.

It was the vigorous organization and strong fundraising effort by the Mormon church that raised approximately 70% of the money that came into California from out of state, to push the campaign for Proposition 8, a ballot measure that amended that state's constitution to prohibit gay marriage and even the recognition of gay marriages performed elsewhere.

Other players were the usual suspects, the Catholic church, several of the more conservative Protestant denominations, the American Family Association, Focus On The Family, their various political subsidiary groups, and a whole host of smaller right-wing political and religious organizations, including a few out-right hate groups. The Southern Poverty Law Center maintains a watch on many of these groups.

The Tactics

What these groups do, persistently, is to try desperately to legitimize what is clearly a campaign of hatred, fear and disinformation. The people of California saw that recently, when the campaign for Proposition 8 used just that tactic relentlessly, for months on end, spending millions of dollars in the process. Eventually the fear and disinformation campaign took its toll, emotion overtook reason, the majority in favor of gay marriage slowly eroded, and the proposition passed rather narrowly.

Hatred by itself, dressed up as religious dogma has been used for so long that it is beginning to lose its effectiveness (eventually people begin to figure out that it is mostly a tactic for filling pews, collection plates and campaign coffers more than it is a way of reforming lost souls and improving society), so the more clever of these organizations have begun to move onto a slick propaganda effort based on that long-time favorite winner, fear.

Of course, the all time favorite among those fear mongering tactics is that logical fallacy called the slippery-slope argument, described briefly earlier. One sees the slippery-slope fallacy in almost every one of their arguments, because they have few logically sound arguments to which to resort.

Take, for example, one of the most popular anti-gay-marriage web sites out there, one so frequently clicked-on that it frequently comes to the top of Google results, the "Ten Arguments" page at nogaymarriage.com (as retrieved on 6/3/09). This web site is operated by the notorious American Family Association, run by Donald Wildmon, and one need only read that organization's Wikipedia entry (in its entirety) to understand just what kind of organization is behind this page. Among those "ten arguments," the slippery-slope fallacy (often more than one) can be seen clearly in every one of the ten. But for every slippery slope argument that Wildmon's organization has identified here, there is not a shred of verifiable evidence given for even a single one. That is a clear demonstration of just how logically fallacious those arguments are - no evidence, just disinformation, just fear mongering.

Gay marriage has been a reality for two decades in Denmark, nearly as long in one form or another in several other Scandinavian countries, and for several years now in Canada, and in the form of civil unions in several states in the United States. Can anyone point to civilization collapsing (as was alleged would happen in the recent Proposition 8 campaign in California) or students being taught gay sex in the public schools (another frequent allegation from that campaign)? If twenty years of gay marriage in Denmark has not brought about the collapse of civilization in that country (indeed, it remains higher on the United Nations Development Index than does the United States), I doubt that the collapse of civilization will be brought on in the United States by a couple of dudes saying "I do" - but that simple reality doesn't stop the argument from being made.

Fear always has the effect of nullifying reason, and does so reliably - so all one has to do to nullify a logical argument is to instill fear. As for any of the other arguments raised against gay marriage, an examination of what has happened during the last twenty years in that country and other Scandinavian countries that followed suit shortly thereafter, will show that the fears are misplaced and the slippery slope so greatly feared remains remarkably ungreased.

The easiest way to counter the slippery-slope fallacy is to simply point out that gay marriage has been tried in many places in the world for many years, including the United States, and none of the dire effects insistently predicted have yet occurred to any significant degree.

The Strategy

The anti-gay-marriage campaigners have recently been losing in the courts with increasing frequency. It isn't difficult to understand why. It is hard to argue that gays, unable to access the dozens of rights of marriage available to straights (as identified by the Supreme Court of the State of Hawaii), have equal protection of the law, when they clearly do not under any reasonable standard of logic, and so the courts have been ruling that the 14th Amendment to the U.S. constitution, and similar statutes in state constitutions mean that the rights and responsibilities available to straight married couples are due to gays as well, and have struck down numerous state laws forbidding gay marriage. As a result, the anti-crowd has been losing in the courts. Simply putting a measure on the ballot, or getting a law through the legislature to overturn such decisions has not worked, because they run afoul of state constitution requirement for equal treatment under the law, and are therefore promptly struck down again.
So the response has been to place ballot constitutional amendment initiatives on the ballot in the states that allow for that. To date, more than half of all states have passed such initiatives, and in every case, the initiative campaign was based on fear, disinformation and hate mongering. Hardly a surprise, when an appeal to logic is not available to them, so an appeal to emotion, especially fear, is their only alternative.

An additional advantage to the constitutional amendment approach is that it is court-proof. For all intents and purposes, an amendment to a state constitution is by definition, constitutional, and can't be overturned as unconstitutional by a state supreme court, at least under most ordinary circumstances.

Gay marriage is a hot-button issue. There is no doubt about that. And because it is, the strategy is often used to put a gay-marriage initiative on the ballot when interest in an election important to the right is otherwise flagging. It gets out the homophobe vote quite reliably, so when right-wing candidates are behind in the polls, a gay marriage ballot measure is often used as a way to also raise the participation and push a right-winger into office when he would otherwise have lost. Conversely, when there is a hotly contested race between a liberal Democrat and a conservative Republican, interest in the race is often used to get out conservative votes for a gay marriage ballot measure which may otherwise lose.

Once on the ballot, the disinformation used in the campaign consists of nearly always variations on the same arguments regardless of where the campaign is taking place, nearly all of them lies, generally easily refuted and can be easily seen to be without merit: 1) that homosexual sex (and/or gay marriage) would be taught and promoted in the public schools; 2) that heterosexual marriage would be undermined; 3) that churches would be forced to sanctify gay marriages; 4) that the underpinnings of western civilization (presumed to be heterosexual marriage) would be threatened; 5) that gay married couples would recruit, recruiting especially any adopted children who would then grow up to be gay. It doesn't matter whether these claims are true or not for this disinformation campaign to succeed; as Adolf Hitler himself noted, all it takes for a lie to be believed is for it to be repeated often enough, especially if it is a big lie, and these campaigns repeat the same lies over and over and over again until they finally become conventional wisdom. But there is a looming problem for the anti-gay-marriage crowd. That is the United States constitution, whose 14th Amendment states that all persons are entitled to equal protection of the law, and it makes no exceptions for gays, as the U.S. Supreme Court itself noted in its ruling striking down state sodomy laws. So if straights are entitled to special treatment for being married, gays are, in theory at least, due those same treatments under the 14th Amendment.

Stay tune for the final part tomorrow.

MJ

Gay Marriage: The Arguments and the Motives Part 3

Hey everyone, we are halfway through this weeks discussion of the Arguments Against Gay Marriage. Please enjoy part 3. . ..

The real reasons people oppose gay marriage

So far, we've examined the reasons everyone give for opposing gay marriage. Let's examine now the real reasons people oppose it, even fear it:

1. Just not comfortable with the idea.

The fact the people aren't comfortable with the idea stems primarily from the fact that for many years, society has promoted the idea that a marriage between members of the same sex is ludicrous, mainly because of the objections raised above. But if those objections don't make sense, neither does the idea that gay marriage is necessarily ludicrous. Societies have long recognized that allowing civil rights to certain groups may offend some, and at times, even the majority. But that is why constitutional government was established -- to ensure that powerless, unpopular minorities are still protected from the tyranny of the majority.

2. It offends everything religion stands for.

Whose religion? Many mainstream Christian denominations, to be sure, and definitely most branches of Islam and Orthodox Judaism, but outside those, most religions are unopposed to gay marriage, and many actually favor it. When the Mormon church arrogantly claimed to represent all religions in the Baehr vs. Lewin trial in Hawaii, the principal Buddhist sect in that state made it very clear that the Mormon church didn't represent them, and made it very clear that they support the right of gay couples to marry. That particular Buddhist sect claims many more members in Hawaii than does the Mormon church. In a society that claims to offer religious freedom, the use of the power of the state to enforce private religious sensibilities is an affront to all who would claim the right to worship according to the dictates of their own conscience.

3. Marriage is a sacred institution and gay marriage violates that sanctity.

This is, of course, related to the motive above. But it is really subtly different. It's based on the assumption that the state has the responsibility to "sanctify" marriages - a fundamentally religious idea. Here we're dealing with people trying to enforce their religious doctrines on someone else, but by doing it through weakening the separation of church and state, by undermining the Bill of Rights. Not that there's anything new about this, of course. But the attempt itself runs against the grain of everything the First Amendment stands for - one does not truly have freedom of religion if one does not have the right to freedom from religion as well. It would seem to me that anyone who feels that the sanctity of their marriage is threatened by a gay couple down the street having the right to marry, is mighty insecure about their religion anyway.

Even if one accepts the presumption of the United States as a bible-believing, Christian nation as an acceptable legal doctrine, as many conservative Christians insist, and the bible should be the basis for the sacred institution of marriage, perhaps those Christians should get out their bibles and actually read them for a change. Including all the inconvenient passages that not only permit but can even require polygamy, involuntary marriage and the like.

How about Deuteronomy 25:5-10, for example: "When brothers reside together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the deceased shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband's brother shall go in to her, taking her in marriage and performing the duty of a husband's brother to her, and the firstborn whom she bears shall succeed to the name of the deceased brother, so that his name may not be blotted out of Israel. But if the man has no desire to marry his brother's widow, then his brother's widow shall go up to the elders at the gate and say 'My husband's brother refuses to perpetuate his brother's name in Israel; he will not perform the duty of a husband's brother to me. Then the elders of his town shall summon him and speak to him. If he persists, saying 'I have no desire to marry her,' then his brother’s wife shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, pull his sandal from his foot, spit in his face, and declare 'This is what is done to the man who does not build up his brother’s house. Throughout Israel his family will be known as 'the house of him whose sandal was pulled off.'"

If the Bible is sacred and inviolate when it comes to the institution of marriage, then the above passage and all the other inconvenient ones require reverence too, do they not? If the Christian is going to say, well, that's old, quaint and should no longer be expected to apply, well, then, that's exactly the point! The institution of marriage as it is practiced in the real world is a culturally defined institution, not biblically defined, as a reading of the above quotation should make quite clear, and it is high time we recognize and face up to the cold reality that cultural values have changed since the bible was written, and the institution of marriage has changed along with it. Gay marriage is simply part of that evolutionary process of social progress.

4. Gay sex is unnatural.

This argument, often encoded in the very name of sodomy statutes, betrays a considerable ignorance of behavior in the animal kingdom. The fact is that among the approximately 1500 animal species whose behavior has been extensively studied, homosexual behavior in animals has been described in at least 450 of those species. It runs the gamut, too, ranging from occasional displays of affection to life-long pair bonding including sex and even adopting and raising orphans, going so far as the rejection by force of potential heterosexual partners. The reality is that it is so common that it begs for an explanation, and sociobiologists have proposed a wide variety of explanations to account for it. The fact that it is so common also means that it has evolutionary significance, which applies as much to humans as it does to other animal species.

5. Making love to another man betrays everything that is masculine.

Well, I've known plenty of very masculine gay men in my day, who, if you suggested was a limp-wristed fairy, would likely rip your head off and hand it to you. There was a long-honored tradition of gay relationships among the tough and macho cowboys of the Old West, and many diaries exist detailing their relationships. Plenty of masculine, respected movies stars are gay. Indeed, Rock Hudson was considered the very archetype of a masculine man. Came as quite a shock to a lot of macho-men to find out he was gay! So what's wrong with all these kinds of men expressing love for each other? Why is that so wrong? A society that devalues love devalues that upon which civilized society itself is based. Should any form of that love for one another be discouraged?


6. The thought of gay sex is repulsive.

Well, it will come as some surprise to a lot of heterosexuals to find out that, to a lot of gays, the thought of heterosexual sex is repulsive! But does that mean the discomfort of some gays to heterosexual couples should be a reason to deny heterosexuals the right to marry? I don't think so, even though the thought of a man kissing a woman is rather repulsive to many homosexuals! Well then, why should it work the other way? Besides, the same sexual practices that gays engage in are often engaged in by heterosexual couples anyway. Prompting the ever-popular gay T-shirt: "SO-DO-MY -- SO DO MY neighbors, SO DO MY friends."

7. They might recruit.

The core cause of this fear is the result of the fact that most virulent, even violent homophobes are themselves repressed sexually, often with same sex attractions. One of the recent studies done at the University of Georgia among convicted killers of gay men has shown that the overwhelmingly large percentage of them exhibit sexual arousal when shown scenes of gay sex. The fear, then, for the homophobe is that he himself might be gay, and might be forced to face that fact. The homophobia is as internalized as it is externalized - bash the queer and you don't have to worry about being aroused by him.

The fear of recruitment is baseless because it is based on a false premise - that gay people recruit. We don't. We don't recruit because we know from our own experience that sexual orientation is inborn, and can't be changed to any significant degree. Indeed, the attempts by psychologists, counselors and religious therapy and support groups to change sexual orientation have all uniformly met with failure - the studies that have been done of these therapies have never shown any significant results, and usually create psychological damage in the process, which is why they are uniformly condemned by mental health professional associations. So the notion that someone can be changed from straight to gay is quite unlikely. Yet there remains that deep, dark fear that somehow, someone might be.

8. Gay marriage would undermine sodomy laws.

Many conservative religionists privately oppose gay marriage in part because it would undermine the legal basis for sodomy laws, which, even though they have been deemed unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court, are still dreamed of by those who would seek to legalize discrimination against gays. It would be hard to justify, before a court, allowing a couple to marry and then legally bar them from having sexual relations.

9. Gay marriage would legitimize homosexuality.

This presumes that homosexuality is anything other than simply a normal variation of human development. The reality is that every mental health association has recognized that homosexuality is a perfectly normal variation on how humans develop, and there is now a substantial body of evidence from science that there are sound reasons why it has evolved, and why it is not selected against in evolutionary pressure. It is not perverted, it does not degrade human culture, it is not a threat to humankind in any way. All those stereotypes, long cultivated by homophobes, have been disproven both by experience and by scientific research, but that does not prevent the homophobe from holding to them dearly. And allowing state sanction in the form of marriage, threatens the stereotype by undermining the justification for it.

At the end of the day, the opposition to gay marriage stems ultimately from a deep-seated homophobia in American culture, born almost entirely out of religious prejudice. While many Americans do not realize that that homophobia exists to the extent that it does, it is a very real part of every gay person's life, just like racism is a very real part of every black person's life. It is there, it is pervasive, and it has far more serious consequences for American society than most Americans realize, not just for gay people, but for society in general.

Stay tune for Part 4 tomorrow.

MJ